Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Pick Wisely

"People inspire you, or they drain you ~
pick them wisely."

~ Hans F. Hansen

I choose to live an inspired life as much as humanly possible.
I choose purposely to surround myself with people who are inspiring.
So, what happens when you cannot pick who you surround yourself with?
This question could be used to sum up this past weekend.
I traveled 4 hours away to spend time with individuals who I have not gone to visit 
in a couple of years.
Oh, sure, I have seen them on occasion, but I haven't driven the 4 hour trek to be a guest
in their home for an entire weekend in two years.

Here is why:
I was brought up in a home where I was encouraged to be inspired by
the adults in my life.
I wanted, so badly, to be just like them.
I wanted, so badly, to be accepted.
I wanted, so badly, to just be loved for me.
It was a failing battle.
It was a war that could not be won.
I finally had to just surrender and move on.
Either, I was going to accept them for the all that they could offer, and let that be enough,
or I was going to continue to live my life as if I was never worthy of love, their's or anyone else's.
I couldn't decide what to do.
I couldn't choose.
Deep down so desperately wanting something that I had asked for and was told it wasn't possible.
So I simply avoided.

Oh, I am far from perfect,  "I don't walk on water", and "I never asked to be placed on a
I have screwed up and I have battled my inner most hurt little girl for the ability to make 
decisions that are the "right" one's in my life and that have not been made out a deep desire to just be loved.
And I have had to apologize on more than one occasion.
And, as you all know, I am correcting the latest misdirection in my quest for love and acceptance right now. 
You may find it interesting to know that that person and this person have MANY similar personality traits, or maybe you wouldn't find it all that interesting if you have ever looked at the psychology of childhood and the impact it has on adult relationships.

Here is the answer I came up with...
You cannot choose, but you can choose.
You can choose how you will react around the people who choose to drain.
You can choose to let it roll over you like a gentle wave.
You can choose to give the kindness your gentle soul needs.
You can choose to be the example you wish they could be.
Because, they can't be what you want or what you need.
And they never could no matter what they say.

So what now...
I seek to live a life that is positive.
I seek to live a life filled with hope.
I seek to live a life of peace. 
I seek to live a life that can inspire.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!



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