Divorce..
well it SUCKS!
No matter how agreeable,
no matter how amicable,
no matter how, without major problems,
it still SUCKS!
The pictures posted don't even match this post
but I seriously DON'T care.
I am sad, I am hurt, and I am drained.
I am broken by my 3 year old daughter's constant tummy aches
while all the while she is smiling and being her overly silly self.
She hides her sadness just like her mama.
I am broken by my 5 year old son telling me that I didn't hold
up my end of the deal.
The deal is that when you get married you stay married.
Wow, little man, you are wiser than I ever was at your age!
I am broken by a soon to be ex-husband who NEVER fought to keep me.
Why was I the only one ever fighting to keep this relationship going?
Why was I so lacking for your love and affection?
What the hell did I ever do to you besides giving you everything
and taking care of everything so you never had to be bothered?
I am broken, I am pissed, and I am angry.
I sick on lawyers and threats and court dates looming.
I am sick of decisions and being put on hold and arguing.
Bottom Line...
My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.
My life wasn't supposed to include these details.
My life wasn't supposed to be a facade of
lies, excuses, and cover ups.
Bottom Line:
How the hell did I allow this to happen?
Oh, yeah,
I was terrified of being alone
and
I wanted to be married when I had children
and
Fear is far more powerful than love.
Fear is more powerful than any emotion.
Fear,
now that is something to look out for.
SO for all of the sugar coated posts here is a raw one for you.
No sugar coating here.
At least your are saving a few calories reading this:)
A small positive out a a lot of not.
Oh honey, I hurt for you. I have full confidence that you'll come out of this OK, and so will your kids. Divorce isn't great but neither is a one-sided marriage. My parents divorced when I was young and it was tough, but best in the long run because both parents moved onto healthier and happier lives. Which meant healthier and happier lives for us kids, too.
ReplyDeleteJenn
P.S. You look cute. :)
One minute at a time, sometimes. Just one minute at a time.
ReplyDeleteYou will get through this...and eventually, everyone will be better off for it. The true always emerges. I'm impressed at the work you've done to face your own motivations to marry in the first place. Keep your chin up.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you have faced all this and written it here shows what a strong woman you are. Life sure sucks sometimes. I often have those thoughts that my life shoulda been better/different etc but this is the hand we were dealt and thats how you handle these experiences define you as the strong persoyou are. Yes its crappy and horrible and the worst experience ever, but look for that light at the end of the tunnel. I assure you its there.. it may seem dim but you will get through it i promise you.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck for Everything and keep your chin up!
Ps Wowzers! you looks stunning in these pictures... truly fabulous outfit! xx