Wednesday, April 4, 2012

No Sugar Fix Here...

well it SUCKS!

No matter how agreeable, 
no matter how amicable,
no matter how, without major problems,
 it still SUCKS!

The pictures posted don't even match this post 
but I seriously DON'T care. 
I am sad, I am hurt, and I am drained.

I am broken by my 3 year old daughter's constant tummy aches
while all the while she is smiling and being her overly silly self.
She hides her sadness just like her mama.

I am broken by my 5 year old son telling me that I didn't hold
up my end of the deal. 
The deal is that when you get married you stay married. 
Wow, little man, you are wiser than I ever was at your age!

I am broken by a soon to be ex-husband who NEVER fought to keep me. 

Why was I the only one ever fighting to keep this relationship going?

Why was I so lacking for your love and affection?

What the hell did I ever do to you besides giving you everything 
and taking care of everything so you never had to be bothered?

I am broken, I am pissed, and I am angry. 

I sick on lawyers and threats and court dates looming.

I am sick of decisions and being put on hold and arguing.

Bottom Line...
My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.
My life wasn't supposed to include these details.
My life wasn't supposed to be a facade of 
lies, excuses, and cover ups. 

Bottom Line:

How the hell did I allow this to happen?

Oh, yeah,
I was terrified of being alone
I wanted to be married when I had children
Fear is far more powerful than love.

Fear is more powerful than any emotion.

now that is something to look out for.

SO for all of the sugar coated posts here is a raw one for you.
No sugar coating here.
At least your are saving a few calories reading this:)
A small positive out a a lot of not.